I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
