can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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