I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
