This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
