Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize