in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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