she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
