And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
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It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
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I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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