Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
