I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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