I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
