I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I want to make a zoo with you.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
