How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
