i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
