I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
