call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
