but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Randomize
