it wasn't lemon gatorade
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
