I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
