I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
