So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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