he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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