He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
