TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
