well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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