guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i came on her dog
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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