she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
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It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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