My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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