best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
