Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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