Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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