party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
