The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
