i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
