____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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