Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
grandma shit on top of the toilet
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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