I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I wanna passion pit in your ass
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My ass is underappreciated
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
