I got chris browned last night
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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