he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
