in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
