fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
