These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You ate ashes out of my bong
All the doctor said was why
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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