We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
