Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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