I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
