You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
