i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
