I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's shark week go big or go home
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
