he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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