There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
