If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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