apparently the secret to your success is patron
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
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