if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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