How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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