Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
