it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
