apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i will never coherently bang her
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
