fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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