i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
