Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
