I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
