We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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