I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
