apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
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So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
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i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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