dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
