I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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