I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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