Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
