you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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