u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
