Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
