It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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