I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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