I'm really into asian looking animals
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
