captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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