6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just had sex bonerless
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize