if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
