I think I died a long time ago.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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