Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
