His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
